Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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