I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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