this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize