Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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