I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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