We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
