oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
