they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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