What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
