I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
