Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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