My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
