Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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