Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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