Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
