I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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