Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
where am i from again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
