Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
