We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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