I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it penis luge time yet?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
