So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
