Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize