Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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