yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
