it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
