Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
