we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
