So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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