Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
