OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
