Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
