is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
