We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
