so explain again why im purple
no
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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