I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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