I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
