"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
