I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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