sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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