i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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