you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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