You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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