Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
