so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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