Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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