Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize