So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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