we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
