she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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