I want to make a zoo with you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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