Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
