I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
