My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
