he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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