The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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