We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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