K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
