I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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