I think my fart just growled at me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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