I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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