i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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