i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
