We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
