I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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