It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
