just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
