i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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