it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
