Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
