I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
