Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
