so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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