so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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