can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
