I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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