The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
