I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
