is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
