can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
