Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
