He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize