Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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