i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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