Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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