It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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