Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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