it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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