like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
