Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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