textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
