Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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