:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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