Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
