if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
